Lessons of the Day

I learned two important lessons today. first, the 'brothers', even those weak ones who are less smart and cant protect themselves, still can have choices. Some of them have a strong unhealthy relationship with their mother and have never really been able to make decisions or stand up for themselves. They are still waiting for someone, for example, me, to be the 'mother'.
This week, there have been a few occasions I caught myself fighting someone else's battle. So, I have to remind myself that, instead of telling the bully off and speaking up for the bullied, I can hold back, pray and offer advice only when they ask. 'Ask and then be given' is grace, but 'give without being asked' can be man-pleasing or even manipulation.

Anyway, it's useful to know that it is no use to confront a new 'brother' who has spent years in the triad but less than 2 weeks in our house about how to treat others properly, without him knowing the heart of Jesus and the values in the family of God.

Here is another more pain-taking lesson. I'll skip the details. Anyway, it breaks my heart to see how my lack of sensitivity may lead to a brother breaking his heart. God, test my every thought and show me on what my identity has been building on, and help me know You are the fountain of my life.

遠方

很久沒有我的消息，掛念嗎？

在遠方的工作已經兩星期，適應得還好。不過，朝七晚十一的工作時間表和從此告別紅色假期令人沮喪。上周假期創下新低－兩點離開觀塘，十點回到沙田－放了八小時而已。還可以更糟嗎？
－ 可以。這個星期也是八小時。
記得以往同事們會讚我好脾氣，可現在我才真正認識了自己。缺乏假期讓我變得沒有耐性。星期三晚我在柴灣做完街頭外展回沙田，10:45pm在沙田醫院門外等小巴，靜寂中我想打電話給Wendy，結果還是放棄了。第二天，Jackie分享提到當年她一人服侍弟兄脫癮時，失去自己的睡眠時間、私人空間、甚至穿睡衣的權利。然後，她以無比幸福的表情描述她終於獲得的某個假期以及那個獨享的睡房。最後，她說，當你願意放下「權利」，以後所得的一切都是由神而來的「禮物」。
當時的我，意外地聽到自己腦海中有一聲孩子氣的叫囂：「Not me！」

當然，在遠方有收獲意外的禮物。我的「家庭」是個聯合國，同工（helpers）有英國人、美國人、德國人、瑞典人、瑞士人、菲律賓人；弟兄（brothers）有中國人和尼泊爾人，年齡跨度從三歲到七十歲。弟兄們舊生命的各種癮癥包括白粉、K仔、咳藥水及賭博。他們的牙齒大多脫落，某天我在教英文興趣班時發現fruit是個非常困難的字。可喜的是，弟兄們說除了跟耶穌，最想的就是學英文。

在遠方，也有很多難忘一刻。昨天我和22歲的英格蘭男孩Andy在某弟兄帶領下，用四小時為六十人煮晚餐，我們先為十五斤豬肉按摩、去脂、切片，再為七斤生菜洗塵、沖涼。由於弟兄英文太爛，他的所有指令一律下達與我，令我樓下樓上爬了七次，Andy呢？他坐在廚房門口快樂地彈結他，弟兄的名字是siu kuen，偏偏老叫別人siu keung, 氣得身材矮小的弟兄老瞪眼。我清理完廁所、廚房，癱在客廳沙發上喘氣。窗外，烏雲背後有一線藍天。

天涼了，記得多穿衣。